ADVICE: I Want To Be A Submissive Woman

(Due to the popularity of this blog it has been extended. LMAO) I have a situation. To the outside world, I have a good, successful man who takes care of me. But unbeknownst to everyone, I am the one who is paying all the bills, making all the decisions and basically running sh*t. He’s a complete doormat. He makes good money, but sometimes, I wonder why I need him. I make good money, too. Sometimes, I just want to kick back and know that my man is handling everything and that I can trust him. Even in social situations, I have to talk the most and have to keep things interesting. As a black woman, I feel I have to be strong all the time, but I am tired of it frankly. It’s been three years. Lately, I’ve been seeing a dominant man who has completely taken over me. I can’t think about anything else. I’ve had relationships like this before, and I love being a submissive woman. I feel more like myself, trust myself more, and safe. I’m afraid to tell anyone about how I feel. What should I do? Am I wrong for wanting this?

Fondly,
Suzette*

Dear Suzette,

Hell no. Who in the world wants to live with a shell of a man? He’s just your man, not your husband. Maybe you need to move on. Sometimes, life takes us to different places at the most inopportune time. Don’t feel guilty because you want a certain kind of man that 40% of women cannot handle and the other 60% of women lie about not wanting. You want to be dominated. You want a man to take complete control of your mind, body, and soul. You want to submit to a man. Nothing wrong with that. Lets a sister breathe a little. Just make sure it’s willful submission, which it sounds like. It is not being subservient which means a relationship where one is lesser than the other.

Our culture makes women feel weak and perverse for thinking like this. Throughout nature, you’ll see that all animal relationships are based the balance of submission and dominance. Understand that when you submit completely to a man, you obey and trust him wholeheartedly. Many women try to find this type of connection with a man online or by cheating because they don’t get it at home.

Being a submissive woman is not about being in a weakened state, but being in a completely empowered state with full understanding of your feminine power. It’s about learning the most efficient ways to communicate issues for the benefit of yourself and others. This is not for every woman or every man. Surprisingly, many men see this as a demand or are intimidated when a woman tells them she wants to be submissive. You can’t make a man accept your submission. If you want to work on your current man, you’ll have to give him time to develop his natural instincts. Women define men on an intimate and emotional level. Once a man knows what your expectations are, he can plan accordingly.

I’m no expert on this. Seek out a group where they can teach you how to behave like this most effectively because with the wrong instruction you can just make a mess out of things. Also, very few men know how to appreciate a submissive woman without being mean and condescending. A man should feel worthy of your submission. Whether it’s the sidepiece you’re seeing now or not, choose a good man who values this behavior and doesn’t take it for granted. Dominant types are usually Alpha-males, masculine men who are very aware of a woman’s discreet power.

The best teacher is usually a partner who is naturally dominant in an instinctual way, not performed or forced. Many women believe that being submissive provides them a sense of safety. It is also a behavior many women choose to adopt. Even in life, when we accept things as they are or stop fighting against it, everything falls into place. It’s when we “give up” that we win. It’s not about being right or wrong anymore. There’s more power in silence, than there is in words.

Best, MR

*Name has been changed to protect privacy. (Note: This is a letter I received from a reader recently; I'll start posting more advice letters soon)